I believe as time moves on and the honeymoon period of marriage begins to trickle off, the true soberness of marriage begins to set in. Unfortunately for my marriage, there was no honeymoon period. We were a blended family with very small children. My husband became an instant father to a 3 yr old and 2 yr old whose fathers were not big participants in their upbringing, and I needed to learn how to submit and trust him with my most prized possessions.
Our marriage started off rocky as we realized that our picturesque dating life would not be a foreshadow of our marriage. Things became hard really quick as we both realized there were things we actually did not like about each other. I believe when couples realize this, many begin the daunting, exhausting and, in most cases, fruitless task of "trying to change them". We do this by nagging, arguing, condemning, shaming and, in some cases, publicly embarrassing them.
The Word of GOD, which is the only thing I allow to govern my marriage, speaks against this. 1 Peter 3:1-2 NLT says, "In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some (husbands) refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives." I know when your spouse is in the wrong the frustration in your flesh says fuss, but I know now, that actions speak louder than words. Don't just tell them whats right, SHOW them whats right with your lifestyle! Be more than just victimized lip service. Always be willing to give just as much or more than you want to receive in your marriage.
1 Peter 4:8 says "Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins." That says to me Facebook, best friend, and mama, doesn't need to know everything that takes place in your marriage. If you are a believer in Christ has the LORD not given you HIS Spirit and HIS Word to guide you? I believe sometimes we tell our spouse's wrong doings to others NOT because we truly are seeking GODly counsel, I believe in some cases we are operating from a selfish place and want to be victims and want someone "on our side."
What if we prayed for our spouses more than we fussed, argued, or talked to others about our spouses? When I speak on this I am not referring to GODly counsel, but even with this I believe it should be done together or at least with your spouse's knowledge, unless your life is in danger. I am saying this with experience.
There were things that needed to be removed from my life and from my husband's life. Things that were sin and grounds for divorce. We had hurt each other and could not mend it in and of ourselves. As I was speaking to a friend regarding what was going on in our marriage, she's a minister in the gospel and I knew that she loved both my husband and I, and she would give us sound and GODly advice, she said something to me that was so simple yet so profound and it truly shifted the way that I viewed my husband and what I had been going through. She told me that the Holy Spirit wanted her to tell me to let go, to let him go into the loving arms of his Father, his Creator.
If my very expensive phone began to malfunction would I take it apart to try and repair it myself? Ugh, No! I would take it back to the manufacturer (GOD), because only the manufacturer knows the inner workings of its software and hardware product. Many of us don't have the patience to wait on the manufacturer, or are not willing to pay the cost so we take short cuts and the cheap way out by going to unauthorized dealers (worldly advice and viewpoints) who will many times leave us worse off than we started. Marriage is not a human invention Marriage comes from GOD, so when your marriage is in trouble seek the LORD.
I realize that more than I love my own husband there was someone who loved him much more than I did. As much as I wanted to see my husband succeed in his walk in Christ that there was someone who wanted to see him succeed in that walk even more. As much as I wanted my husband to be the best man of God he could be that there was someone who wanted to see that and could actually help him get there and that is the Lord GOD Jesus Christ, that He who has begun a good work in him would complete it and that I needed to trust that the Lord had my husband in the hollow of his hand and that nothing can pluck him out of it. I needed to realize that if I truly wanted to see my husband succeed that all I needed to do was surrender him over to his Father and just continue to lift him up into prayer and to truly adhere to the Godly principles that I say I design my life after.
When I realized this and allowed that to seep into my heart, it truly transformed my relationship with my husband. Instead of this nagging wife who occasionally snooped through his things to see was he being in order, I knew that even if I didn't know what was going on that God knew and that God could take care of the situation much better than I could that all I needed to do was trust God and let God take care of the rest. That is a huge step to take but if you truly trust God it's an easy step to take.
I know now that the struggles that we faced are not just for our maturity but they are to help those who are struggling as well. I thank God that He is giving me the spirit of transparency, that I am not ashamed of what I've been through because so many couples are afraid to seek help because they don't want to ruin their image of being the perfect couple but I am here to tell you that you are not alone, you are not the only one who has faced what you are facing in your marriage.
There is a God who can mend all hurt. He can repair all that is broken and He can reconstruct what has been built. All you need to do is surrender your spouse to an all-knowing, all-powerful, all Mighty and all loving God, He truly loves your spouse more than you do and He can do more for your spouse than you, but you must trust him and not hinder the process with your flesh. If you can do that you will see a change like never before in your marriage. I have learned that marriage produces Holiness if we submit to the process and God will use this Holy Covenant to truly mature you two and bring you and your spouse closer together I know it for a fact I am experiencing it even now.
Stay Encouraged, Stay in Christ, and remember...