One of the greatest, most necessary things needed in a marriage is Unity. Dare I say without unity it is impossible to have a successful marriage. How can two walk together unless they agree? How will you raise a healthy family, or make major family decisions unless there is unity? How can you build a legacy for your family that goes beyond your last breath unless you and your spouse have unity? Without unity I have seen my marriage on the brink of destruction, with it, my marriage has soared to greater heights that would be impossible to reach without it.
One of my favorite scriptures that I hold dear to my heart comes from Proverbs 14:1. It says " A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands." I hold this scripture close because I always want to be found building my home. I have sacrificed and invested so much into my home I won't allow anything, not even my self-centered desires to tear it down. Lack of unity will destroy a home and I make an intentional effort to stay in unity with my husband. Even Jesus said a city or house divided against itself shall not stand (Matthew 12:25). So many times we enter into a marriage with our own ideas, agendas, and plans. Many times not only do those plans not line up with our spouses, but more importantly they don't line up with GOD'S Will. When your life and marriage fail to line up with GOD'S Will we become as rebellious as the Israelites who came out of Egypt, turning an eleven day journey into 40 years of roaming in the wilderness.
Does your marriage feel more like the wilderness instead of the promised land? I have been there! My first year of marriage Mike and I had our own agendas and none of them were what GOD wanted for us. There was so much chaos, frustration, anger, and confusion it was hard to even be in the same room sometimes. Have you ever been so frustrated, you felt tightness in your chest like it could explode? I was there. I was physically sick from the drama and our lack of unity brought me to my knees. I began to pray for divine intervention, to save my marriage and the Holy Spirit gave me HIS Word; "For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything."
In everything?! Lord, are you sure? (Lol) Now me coming from two generations of Matriarchs where the women ran the home, this was a hard pill to swallow! In many cases the mirror of truth can be hard to look at. GOD I wanted you to fix him, not me! He is out of order, not me! The truth is... that was a lie as well, I was out of order and out of the will of GOD trying to lead my home. I know what a lot of women say, "But what if he isn't leading well or not leading at all?" You still married him and now that you have made this commitment it is your duty to lift him up in prayer, intercede and petition on his behalf that GOD may develop him into the leader GOD called him to be. Oh and while you are doing this DO NOT beat him down for his shortcomings, but during his development process you make sure you as well are in the Will of GOD as a wife and helper. Husbands be the leader your family can trust and depend on by confirming your steps are ordered by the LORD.
When couples begin to truly understand what the purpose of marriage is. When we realize that marriage, specifically Christian Kingdom marriage, is not just about being in love, paying bills, raising kids and retiring, then we will know what is truly at stake. Your marriage is bigger than your wants. It is suppose to be an outward reflection of Christ's relationship with the Church! It should be a relationship of self sacrificing love! Every couple joined together by GOD is given destiny, and purpose. They have something to accomplish together on this earth that will give Glory to the LORD Jesus Christ and advance the Kingdom of Heaven on earth. This thing is so much greater than separate bank accounts and whose parents will we spend the holidays with. Misunderstanding why marriage was created will cause division.
When GOD started changing my response to my husband and when I began to submit, even when I didn't necessarily agree, that opened up my husband's heart to trust me, to know that whatever he decided I had his back and when he realized this he wanted more of my input and expertise in certain matters. He was able to see my strengths and use them for the good of our family. Does this mean that I didn't have to suffer through some of his mistakes? Of course I did! Even with that I didn't bruise his ego with "I told you so" and "I bet you wish you would have listened to me", all of this is counter productive because Love does not boast. The fact is I willfully entered into this covenant with this man, that means GOD will not bless me separate and apart from my husband so if he is blessed we both are and when challenges hit him, we both have to face them together. We are one so if I hurt him I am truly hurting myself. No matter their decisions we are to respect our husbands.
Now Mike and I are finally a team, a partnership on one accord, and operating in our respective positions in the Spirit of Unity! What a beautiful place it is to agree and be in the Will of GOD, not that we are perfect but our hearts finally desire GOD's Will. Remember that it takes effort to stay there and it takes both of you to maintain that place of unity. Remain in that place by praying together, worshipping together and do devotionals together. Have frequent meetings to discuss matters of business, home and heart. "Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. (Ephesians 4:2-3) Yes, I am a witness unity brings peace.
Mike and I began planning goals for our future as a family, we began praying together and the LORD began to move on our behalf. The bible says, “I also tell you this: If two of you agree here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you. For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them.”
I have heard this scripture all my Christian life, but I must tell you it shocked me to see how swiftly the Lord was answering our prayers. I mean before we could even say Amen, it was done. Now that I know what Unity in marriage looks like I can't go back to the old way of existing. I keep a watchful eye that the enemy is not given a foothole to disconnect us. Will you disagree? Of course it happens, but be quick to resolve, forgive, and get back on the same page.
If you lack unity and peace in your home, humble yourself. Allow the change you want to see begin in you and watch the Lord GOD bless your home.
Until next time, take care
P.S. Enjoy your marriage!